I am the youngest of my mother’s 5 children. I was the first to move out and establish myself alone, though. And while that’s true, I came to realize recently that my siblings have moved and lived out of state and I have never actually left the county. Not to live. 

About 6 months ago I was faced with a decision. I could find a studio apartment near my job that would cost more than the hot deal I had to leave and have nothing left at the end of the month to save. I could find a room to rent in someone’s home or an apartment to share. I could move into my mother’s home. I chose an unconventional route that not many are prepared to take – I converted my car to a camper and chose to keep my paycheck to use as I see fit. 

I’ve never fit into a proper mold, and while I stayed under the radar – being a good student, then as and adult a law abiding citizen – I always had my own idea about things and was never easily swayed by propaganda, peer pressure or mass disinformation. As an example, at a young age I asked hard questions of my catechism teachers and the ideology behind catholicism. My mother later brought me to born-again-Christian bible study and that only solidified my idea that the Catholic church had it all wrong. 

I was a straight A student, but didn’t go to college, much to the dismay of my teachers and guidance counselor. I started working 40 hours a week the Monday after graduation, and didn’t even take the summer off. I moved out of my mother’s house into an apartment with my boyfriend the following spring. I am a hard worker and as the years have progressed (coming up on 26 of them), I’ve managed to get a nice corporate job, with a nice desk (cubicle, but it’s mine to decorate), vacation time, sick time and benefits. There’s one problem that’s getting in the way. My morals.

I began working here in 2016, an office assistant at first, but quickly worked my way up through hard work. I was told, but didn’t truly realize what it was that we did. I ordered office supplies when I first started working there, filed the bank reconciliations that the accountants did, nothing too detailed. It is a corporate real estate company. We are landlords who buy buildings and lots, and we’ve been on the news for not being compliant with HUD. For those of you who don’t realize what that means, think of a word that rhymes with flumfords.  

Still, I’m treated well at my job. I’m integrated and appreciated. They like me and individually, I like them to. I like the people that I work with, but I’ve been having a real hard time with what we do for a living. I know that what we do is actually just pay the bills and make sure the tax records are straight, technically. WE aren’t the ones who are collecting rent money and keeping housing prices high. But it’s how we make our living, helping a business that does do that. It’s been a real struggle for me. Over the past 15 months (at the time of this writing) I have really been struggling because I have very strong reason to believe they support what Israel is doing to the Palestinians, not just in Gaza but also the West Bank and others outside of their borders. Being corporate landlords is enough to give me pause, but to support genocide has me questioning the longevity of my… *ahem…occupation there. Now that I no longer have the daunting Rent Payment over my head, I can accept a job that pays less and fulfills me more, and I think I’m ready for that. and events are unfolding more that way for me. 

Recently, my mother invited my niece to come “stay for the holidays”. The rest of us knew what that meant (side note* I believe my niece is an actual psychopath), and sure enough, the “couple of days” have led to her still being there from Christmas Eve until now, Jan 4th. In the autumn, when the sun began going down early and me sitting in the van in a park in the dark would look creepy and suspicious, I began to leave work, commute to my mother’s, and in the morning commute back. There’s a gym in my building, so I’m fortunately able to shower there. When my niece arrived she pulled in with a very long van, and as there is a dip at the end of the driveway, and I need my little van to be level to sleep in, she needed to park behind me, and move her van in the morning when I left. She hasn’t been happy with the arrangement. 

Instead of talking to me as a human would, she screamed at me and threatened me that she had her “pistol” in the car, all because she didn’t want to get up at 6:30 to move her van. She later said that she doesn’t really have her gun and that she wouldn’t shoot me. I don’t really care either way, I don’t have to park there unless I am charging my Jackery. My mother will hear nothing negative about her so I’ll park in my parking garage at work instead, while I still have the ability. 

There are many creators online that are already living on or actively trying to build communities, and I’ve been following a few. The Universe speaks to us all and I have been quiet in my van, listening. I follow someone who was faced with homelessness because of their pets. Instead of getting rid of their pets, they acquired land and are trying to build a community. I’ve been on the lookout and trying to either join one, or build one with others, and a video I saw ignited my solar plexus chakra (I felt something in my gut). It was a friends-only post about someone who came into their community expecting it to already be built. Judging and just acting un-cool overall. 

I’m not going to go into too much detail about what I know about the community yet, but they are currently building and looking for new members and I have sent out a message of formal introduction. There are a few things that I think should happen before either I run out and join the community or they just accept me as a new member. This is only the beginning of my journey, the very beginning. 

I would first like to know exactly what state and location they are in. I do have a vehicle that I can live in, so housing and transportation won’t really be a problem for me, however, I do have a monthly car payment, insurance payment, and phone payment to make. I will need to put fuel into me and Odessa, my van. Will I have the ability to bring a bird with me where I’m going? I will need the ability to charge the Jackery outside of solar. I have a solar panel, but if the sun isn’t out and I run out of power I will need an outlet. Are their employment opportunities nearby? I already know from videos that I have seen that we share very similar standards and moral beliefs. I am looking to join a community, will this be the one? I sent out my message and number and I am hoping to connect. I would like personal conversations and a real connection to happen before I make any moves so this will take a while. 

I’ve joined community building coalitions that felt too hierarchical for me, and free wheeling community builders who’ve lost focus and began other ventures. I watch community builders who are struggling in hard-to-inhabit locations, other community builders who have already found their people and are building with them, closed to the public and not inviting others to join at this time. I want to put my hard work and efforts into something that I can be proud of, not be ashamed of when asked “So, what do you do?”

So, I am reaching out. I will find a group that I fit with, find a job in that area that suits me, and head on out. This is where my journey really begins. Thanks for the chat!